2nd Joshua

So, as a joke, I've been writing the chapters to 2^nd Joshua on Facebook. It's part parody, part hilarity, but all Joshua. I've copied and pasted what I've done so far into the page, and I'll update this as I update the book of 2^nd Joshua.

Chapter 1

1 And on the eighth day, God made Ice Cream.
2 When I was a child, I behaved like a child. Now that I am a man, I still occasionally behave like a child, but I sure don't do (insert dumb thing here)!
3 Due puns onto others in do time.^a
4 Save your documents, because computers don't like giving second chances.
5 System recovery is the saver of documents.
6 When it comes to Myers Briggs remember the following: E-ness, I-ness, N-ness, S-ness, F-ness, T-ness, J-ness and P qualities.
7 Never underestimate the power of two trouble makers.
8 Finish everything, for if you do not


A: I know that it's not actually a pun, but it felt right at the time.

Chapter 2
Proverbs, adverbs, nouns and others - written by Joshua, and the great Benjamin The Great.

1 If you can't convey what you are trying to say using hand motions, you aren't moving your hands enough.
2 Two before four.
3 Watching random youtube videos may be entertaining, but beware, you may stumble upon a video of Neil Patrick Harris and singing puppets.
4 You can't abandon your bros man! If boy and girl are with bros, girl must mildly surrender attention to bros, for this pleases the Ben.
5 Use those people as models of what not to do.
6 Younglings should not lead younglings.
7 When in doubt, don't reference those "when in doubt sayin-ah crap.
8 A neat knot need not be reknotted.
9 A great high five involves two people, and no trickery.^a
10 Always wash your belly button, but not your neighbors belly button.
11 No socks, no shame.
12 "Hang on, I've got a thing" is always an acceptable answer.
13 Old time rock 'n roll soothes the soul.
14 An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but with macbooks running well over $899, it might just be cheaper to go to the doctor.
15 If you hate windows, you hate sunshine.
16 Get with the program, unless you have a linux in which case you would download an emulator, 8 drivers, then get with the program.


A: Historians and other cool guys have determined that the look at the elbow method is the most effective.

Chapter 3

1 Good redundancy is good.
2 Jesus is the good shepherd.
3 Daniel is a good DJ.
4 Jesus is the good DJ.
5 The worth of a man is not to be measured by his pinterest.
6 Be aware of the College, for though it giveth many things, a sane brain is not among them.
7 The definition of quiz will change depending on who says it.
8 Despite what some bros may say, photographic memory is not grown.
9 Thou shall eat tasty food.
10 Beware of the friend that screws up Top Ramen, for he is not to be trusted.
11 The goodness of the Lord is much better than the goodness of the food you are eating, phrase accordingly.
12 While 100 pennies is equal to 1 dollar, 100 pens is not equal to one doll.
13 Thou shall slice cheese, not cut cheese.
14 Pistachios are too stinking expensive.
15 To tow two toes is too good in a tu-tu.
16 Using my masterful skills of the English language I can properly alfkasjuahruugh iauhstguawyhtuijkaguihasifh

Chapter 4

1 A foot in your mouth is not better than two on your feet.
2 A "small child" may very well refer to adults.
3 Kiddo shall only be used when referring to those younger than you.
4 When in doubt: AVOID FRIENDZONING AT ALL COSTS!!!!
5 Just eat the food--pickiness is obnoxious.
6 Learn to tell the fakers from the reelers.*
7 It is best to assume that clothes are required even if unlisted.
8 Don't follow your heart; leave that to surgeons.
9 Great graters are greater than craters when it comes to grating great graded cheese.
10 Analyze Life, but don't take it seriously; it's just cereal.
11 Better to over-define than to under-define.
12 Filter oneself.

*Hint, one is fishy, the other is fishing.