Love Is (1st Corinthians 13)

Hey people. I have been a little bit of a backsliding christian recently, you know skipping Bible reading and stuff. I know, I know, pretty serious.

But recently I've picked it back up, and I've had my eyes opened several times. Today was one of those times that didn't just open my eyes, but I got hit smack dab in the middle of the face with a hundred pounds of bricks. I have rarely felt more strongly His presence than I have today, and I felt pretty strongly about writing this. So, here goes...

I may speak in the languages of humans and of angels. But if I don't have love, I am a loud gong or a clashing cymbal.
I may have the gift to speak what God has revealed, and I may understand all mysteries and have all knowledge. I may even have enough faith to move mountains. But if I don't have love, I am nothing.
I may even give away all that I have and give up my body to be burned. But if I don't have love, none of these things will help me.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn't jealous. It doesn't sing its own praises. It isn't arrogant.
It isn't rude. It doesn't think about itself. It isn't irritable. It doesn't keep track of wrongs.
It isn't happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth.
Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.
Love never comes to an end. There is the gift of speaking what God has revealed, but it will no longer be used. There is the gift of speaking in other languages, but it will stop by itself. There is the gift of knowledge, but it will no longer be used.
But when what is complete comes, then what is incomplete will no longer be used.
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I no longer used childish ways.
Now we see a blurred image in a mirror. Then we will see very clearly. Now my knowledge is incomplete. Then I will have complete knowledge as God has complete knowledge of me.
So these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the best one of these is love.

Now, if you are anything like me, you've read this many times. Maybe even a hundred. Each time that I've read it, I've thought about how I treat my parents, how I treat my family, and how I treat Larissa. I would filter the ones that I didn't do as well, and then just praise myself for the ones I did do correctly. While this may have created quite the positive attitude, it did not help teach me anything.

I realized after reading it just now, that I have always ALWAYS divided that up into two separate parts, utilizing the first, and just writing off the second. Well, I am going to try to not do that any longer, because I have missed something so essential and important for way too long!

Pretty much any way you look at it, I have been a complete and utter jerk to my ex-girlfriend. Okay, that's if you look at it the nice way. If I was honest, I would be using a few different words than I am right now, but you get the basic idea. I have been a pretty despicable person, I know that I have. I can always justify how I behave, but when I read this today it hit me like a hundred pounds of bricks, straight in the face, and there is no denying it any longer. I cannot and will not be ok with the status quo—to quote Dr. Horrible, “the status is not quo.”

Let's take a step back
"Alright, so, big deal Joshua", you may be saying. "You have grown into a big boy, congrats."

Nope, stop right there. That's how I looked at life, but I will not any more. Each sermon has something new that I can learn. Each time a person speaks, it's not just white noise, it's important!

Break it Down
Verses 1-3

"I may speak in the languages of humans and of angels. But if I don't have love, I am a loud gong or a clashing cymbal. I may have the gift to speak what God has revealed, and I may understand all mysteries and have all knowledge. I may even have enough faith to move mountains. But if I don't have love, I am nothing. I may even give away all that I have and give up my body to be burned. But if I don't have love, none of these things will help me. "

Ok, simple enough, right? Nope. Go read it again. Even if you have faith to move mountains, speak non-human languages, give everything that you have and die for your beliefs, it's still counted as nothing. We are a people who are commanded to love. To love without holding back

Verses 4-7

"Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn't jealous. It doesn't sing its own praises. It isn't arrogant.
It isn't rude. It doesn't think about itself. It isn't irritable. It doesn't keep track of wrongs.
It isn't happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth.
Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up."

Read that again. It's not too hard to think of the last time that you were kind or patient—it's easy to find the good in us. Let's instead think about someone who has been bugging you for awhile. Think about your little brother, a friend, a parent, an ex girlfriend, an annoying professor or anyone that has been getting under your skin.

For the curious, each and every single one of those is relevant to me, so do not think that I'm just spewing words, I mean what I say because I'm learning how big of a deal it it. IT IS A HUGE DEAL! Do not just let this slide.

Anyway. Think about that person from before, and ask yourself nine questions:

1. When was the last time you were jealous of or for that person? 
2. When was the last time you were rude to that person? 
3. Irritable? 
4. Have you really, truly forgiven that person? 
5. Have you been kind to that person recently?
6. Have you ever made a decision just to hurt them?
7. Have you twisted their words?
8. Do you hope for that person's best? 
9. Are you committed to not giving up on that person?

If you are anything at all like me, you will find that you have not done very well, on several of these accounts. I know that I haven't. But there is a God who loves you and who has forgiven you, and that is a relief.

Verses 8-10

"Love never comes to an end. There is the gift of speaking what God has revealed, but it will no longer be used. There is the gift of speaking in other languages, but it will stop by itself. There is the gift of knowledge, but it will no longer be used. But when what is complete comes, then what is incomplete will no longer be used."

Lots of interesting stuff in here. If we stop loving a person, did we even love them in the first place? The rest seems straightforward (at least in my interpretation) and appears to reference a love more potent and complete than we can even know or experience now.

Verses 11-12

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I no longer used childish ways. Now we see a blurred image in a mirror. Then we will see very clearly. Now my knowledge is incomplete. Then I will have complete knowledge as God has complete knowledge of me."

When I was a child. This was not too long ago. I don't consider myself all grown up or mature by any means, but there is no denying that I have been changed. I have felt like I hit near rock bottom before I finally saw what it meant to love. I learned too late, and I hurt lots of people as I've gone through my life. I wish that I could undo the harm that I have done, but I can be comforted by knowing that my God has forgiven me.

I see my life as a blurred image in a mirror. I look and I see fog, but I will be able to look back someday and see this clearly. I have no idea what God is going to make out of this mess that I've made, but I know that he will make this into something that is not dark or scary, but instead a way that I can reach people. God will show us the plan later, when he points to our life and he says "I did that, because of XReason." This will be so comforting, even though it isn't now, I can rest my life in his hands as he guides me through my life. Though it is not easy now, I have to trust that his plan is perfect, and that submission to him will be the greatest decision that I can make.

Verse 13

"So these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the best one of these is love."

This is not a verse to be taken lightly. Faith is how we believe what we believe. Hope is involved in every aspect of how we live and what we want in life. But the bible says that love is the best. The greatest. I want to be able to love with the unshakable love that Paul described in this chapter.

Conclusion
I am broken, but not hopelessly. I am a mess, but not a failure. I am a child of the king. I am someone that will learn to pick up the pieces and move on. I will learn to love.

God has forgiven me for my wrongs. I have a lot of people that I need to make up with, but I am committed to living a life for the glory of God. I no longer consider my life mine, but just another way to glorify my savior.

Praise his name, the savior of screwed up people!

Board Games for Boring Days (2)

Hey Yo!

Back in January I made this post about board games called Board Games for Boring Days. Though yesterday wasn't boring per se, I did not enjoy a minute of the video games I played, and I was all over the place emotionally, but that's for a different post (haha, or not.)

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BANG!

Let me just start by saying that BANG! is a weird game. Now, in this case, weird is definitely not bad. It is made by the foreign company "daVinci Editrice" to be along the lines of a Spaghetti Western film, complete with guns, Wells Fargo Wagons, and drinking beer to recover health.

Yes, the game is ridiculous. Each player is assigned a character and a role, and they have to play the game from there fulfilling that role. The four roles in BANG! are: Sheriff, Deputy(s), Outlaws, and Renegade. - I can't help it, I love that song. ;)

Pros:

•Lots of good strategy elements.

•Western theme makes for some super fun moments.
•Pretty balanced.
•"I'm your favorite deputy!"

Cons:
•Poor name choice often results in questionable character choices.
•A bit of takedown required
•Super steep learning curve
•Despite being mostly balanced, a few of the characters feel really powerful.
•Renegade rarely wins

Final thoughts:
YEEHAW! It's crazy zany fun, that has plenty of strategy involved.

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Careers

Ok, this is in no way a new game AT ALL. This game was originally made in the 60's and has been updated since. Imagine a lot of Life, mixed with some monopoly elements. You roam around the board, and will occasionally have problems running into unemployment or going to the hospital. Unlike Monopoly, you aren't forever up a creek if you don't get the right roll the first few times around.

The big difference in this game is that everyone has their own career goals. There are three different commodities in this game -- Money, Happiness and Fame. The goal is to fulfill your own personal combination of the three, and as long as they all add up to 60, you are in the clear. So, you might decide to go for 25 Fame, 15 Thousand Dollars, and 20 Happiness. As soon as one person accomplishes their goal, they reveal that the game is over. There is quite a bit of strategy regarding how the goal is accomplished, and few games look similar to a previous game.

Pros:

•Easy to get out and play

•Good balance between fun and thinking (I'm an ESTP, so take that for what's its worth. ;) )
•Overall well designed and thought through game.
•Not forever up a creek without a paddle if you get bad rolls the first few times around.

Cons:
•I always lose to Jon
•Doesn't offer as much flexibility in the game
•Due to the lack of flexibility, there is somewhat of a steep learning curve

Final thoughts:
Well balanced game with less of a luck factor than some other popular games.
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Personal Preference


Personal Preference is a Canadian game made originally made by "Playtoy Industries"

La préférence personnelle est un jeu canadien fait à l'origine par "Playtoy Industries"

Ok, ok, that was a lame joke, I know. :P
This game was made back in the 80's and could be categorized as a "get to know you" type game. Competition is light, and there is very little strategy involved.

The game has players going around a board, and the first one to reach the end wins. There are two ways to get points: by rolling the die on your turn, and by guessing a person's preference correctly. There are four different preference categories; Activities, Food, Potpourri and People. The player will land on one of those squares and will proceed to organize the cards in their hand to match their own personal preference and then everyone takes guesses by placing their number tokens on the appropriate corners of the board. If you are super sure of your guess, you can even place the number in the middle, giving you DOUBLE the movement forward if you're right, but one step back if you are wrong.

Pros:

•Good get to know you better game

•Just fun in general
•Fun combinations (i.e. Shatner v.s. ham)
•Rewards observing a person's interests in various activities.

Cons:
•Not fun if you don't know everyone
•The game is dated, and a lot of the famous people may not be known to younger players.
•Cleanup from the last turn happens all the time, and can make the game feel a little slow

Final thoughts:
Great game that puts relationships, individual tastes and fun in the spotlight.
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So, yeah.
Hopefully that gave you a little bit of an insight into the games that I like, and maybe it's even convinced you to buy more games. Whatever your final verdict, make sure to remember this one thing:

PLAYING GAMES IS FUN!!!

The Chameleon

Back Story
On July 7th, I wrote a poem. It was sorta a weird time for me, sorta like the storm before the wreck. My inner life was in turmoil but I was making the best of it. Well, I wrote a while, and this is what came out of it.

"'Fitting into other’s lives,

barely living my own.

fulfilling their wishes

to fill an endless hole.

Then, I found you

I tried to fit you where only God should go

yet, only Christ can fill

Only Jesus can make me whole.

I am a chameleon.'

I don't want to want to know God. And I don't want to drain happiness from other people. I need to take this life God has given me, and love it. I need to get happiness vertically, not horizontally."

It was a dark time for me, but I liked this. I don't quite know what draws me to it, but I am drawn to it none-the-less. So, I hope that you have gotten something out of it.

-Joshua

The Various States of a Relationship

THE GRAND INTRO
Through my very extensive experience with relationships (Note, sarcasm) I have noticed a thing or two about the health of a relationship. I've seen there be a few different stages, and I'm going to go over them in a slightly comical way. So, without further ado...

THE GRAND LIST

ICE CREAM

Pretty healthy

Some Fights

More Fights

ICE CREAM

Now, I'll go over each one a little bit more in depth.

ICE CREAM

You guessed it, ice cream! Due to ice cream's most excellent taste, it's something that is desirable especially during a good time in a relationship. The choices for ice cream are many, and the combinations are near limitless. It is for an all around good time, maybe while playing board games, maybe while watching a movie, or MAYBE EVEN WRITING A BLOG POST. Maybe.

Pretty Healthy

Ok, you aren't living in some paradise land where bacon flows off of the mountain, canned peas actually taste good and chocolate jumps out of the ground. There are rules to life, and one of them is this:

Eating food makes you fat, unless you exercise (Often this ends up being a waste of time) -Just kidding!

So you realize, sure this makes me happy. But being not fat also makes me happy, so out with the ice cream! (Except on special occasions)

Some Fights

Uh-oh. Stuff is going down, you've got some stress in your life. You may be randomly punching pillows, or allowing people to know your secret identity. Be careful of what you say, and never let the sun go down on your anger... or else...

More Fights

Ahh crap. Now you've done it. You life is now what some may call an "utterly confusing place". You may even start peeling potatoes due to anger, or you may start sucking on ice cubes for no logical reason. It is possible that someone in this state may even play solitaire computer games in order to calm the brain.

ICE CREAM

You've hit the bottom. The only way up is a long ladder, but at least you have your comfort. Screw being not fat, it's more important that you survive. No matter what you do, get help. You need it, and others hate to see you eat all of the ice cream.

Conclusion

Well, that was... interesting. A little delve into Josh, hopefully you aren't scared away yet. But if you are, I suppose you aren't even reading this so it doesn't matter what I say.

Goodbye

-Joshua

Joshua's Somewhat Dark (but Overall Positive) Musings

Hey everyone. I've had some stuff going through my brain these last few days, and for some stupid freaking reason, it's been just about as hard as the last few months which should just not be. >.<

That's probably due to the fact that I have just been letting go of whatever anger I've held onto and am now just left with questions of "what if". Yeah, it's kinda sad. ;)

Picture it like this:
I'm wearing a t-shirt, damp with sweat, as I stumble out of this maze like cave. The sun is up, and coming down on me, but it's really cold. It's winter. Though my favorite season may have been spent inside of a cave, deep in my emotions, I have gained much knowledge about myself that I would never have had otherwise. As I step forward, the sweat becomes very cold against my body. I move onward, because I know in my heart that all I need to do is trudge through some snow before I reach the cabin. If I stay where I am, I'll freeze. But with God's help, I move forward. With his guidance I take each step. Slowly, I'll move towards a brighter future, but I'm not going to force it; not in this weather.

That's where I'm at. I'm so broken, but I don't really care at this point. I'm just a tool in God's toolbox, and if he can make use of a broken hammer better than he can one that is in perfect shape, so be it.

Speaking of Hammer...
I have had this song stuck in my head for the past few days, and it is powerful.

I recommend that you give it a listen. It's helped me a lot recently, and it's just plain awesome also. I really would love to be in this musical someday. :)

Bringing it back...
So, yeah, that's where I'm at right now. I'm digging deep into who God wants me to be, and less of who I want me to be. Some people may say "if your dream is within reason, just go for it. You can accomplish pretty much anything."

Well, that's great for people who have dreams and aspirations.

But I don't want to have my future right now. I tried doing life the Josh way, (where I dated the heck out of a beautiful girl who loves God, got married and had kids) and that didn't work out so well. So I'm ready to try things the God way, because that's infinitely better.

In addition, I've started going by Joshua. I can be silly, I can be serious, and saying that Josh is silly and Joshua is serious is a huge limitation, so bye bye. I'm becoming more onion like (No, no, no, I'm not making people cry on purpose) in that I have layers of Joshua, and only my closest of friends see the middlemost parts.

One Last Thing
Be careful of what you do and what you say. I'm not an expert at doing life, but I do know now that if you are ever angry, freaking sleep on it first. Sometimes, stuff just isn't a big deal, and I've gotten better at letting stuff go.

So, I leave you with one final thought that has been wandering around in my mind for the past couple of days:

Hurt people hurt people

-Joshua