Joshua's Somewhat Dark (but Overall Positive) Musings

Hey everyone. I've had some stuff going through my brain these last few days, and for some stupid freaking reason, it's been just about as hard as the last few months which should just not be. >.<

That's probably due to the fact that I have just been letting go of whatever anger I've held onto and am now just left with questions of "what if". Yeah, it's kinda sad. ;)

Picture it like this:
I'm wearing a t-shirt, damp with sweat, as I stumble out of this maze like cave. The sun is up, and coming down on me, but it's really cold. It's winter. Though my favorite season may have been spent inside of a cave, deep in my emotions, I have gained much knowledge about myself that I would never have had otherwise. As I step forward, the sweat becomes very cold against my body. I move onward, because I know in my heart that all I need to do is trudge through some snow before I reach the cabin. If I stay where I am, I'll freeze. But with God's help, I move forward. With his guidance I take each step. Slowly, I'll move towards a brighter future, but I'm not going to force it; not in this weather.

That's where I'm at. I'm so broken, but I don't really care at this point. I'm just a tool in God's toolbox, and if he can make use of a broken hammer better than he can one that is in perfect shape, so be it.

Speaking of Hammer...
I have had this song stuck in my head for the past few days, and it is powerful.

I recommend that you give it a listen. It's helped me a lot recently, and it's just plain awesome also. I really would love to be in this musical someday. :)

Bringing it back...
So, yeah, that's where I'm at right now. I'm digging deep into who God wants me to be, and less of who I want me to be. Some people may say "if your dream is within reason, just go for it. You can accomplish pretty much anything."

Well, that's great for people who have dreams and aspirations.

But I don't want to have my future right now. I tried doing life the Josh way, (where I dated the heck out of a beautiful girl who loves God, got married and had kids) and that didn't work out so well. So I'm ready to try things the God way, because that's infinitely better.

In addition, I've started going by Joshua. I can be silly, I can be serious, and saying that Josh is silly and Joshua is serious is a huge limitation, so bye bye. I'm becoming more onion like (No, no, no, I'm not making people cry on purpose) in that I have layers of Joshua, and only my closest of friends see the middlemost parts.

One Last Thing
Be careful of what you do and what you say. I'm not an expert at doing life, but I do know now that if you are ever angry, freaking sleep on it first. Sometimes, stuff just isn't a big deal, and I've gotten better at letting stuff go.

So, I leave you with one final thought that has been wandering around in my mind for the past couple of days:

Hurt people hurt people

-Joshua