(This) Last Week

Recap
Well, if you read my post at the beginning of the week, you'd know that I was having a bit of a rough time. For a while, that's how it was. I was just kinda drifting along, and I didn't really give a flying cow pie about what happened to me or with my life. The underlying tone of my last post was a slight:
"WHAT THE HECK, GOD?"

That wasn't all of my thoughts, but those are the most obvious. Underneath that there was a layer like this:
"God, if you love me, why are you letting me go through this?"

Since Monday
After that last post, God immediately started showing up. Either I started doing more fun things, or God totally helped change my perspective. I mean I suppose I did some pretty awesome stuff, but the way that I feel is much better than I have felt in, I dunno, a year? So, it's weird to say the least. Like, to go around and enjoy life, for the beautiful and occasionally slightly messed up place it is. I'm not forcing myself to do fun stuff every once in awhile like I had to sometimes before, I want to go out and do this crazy stuff. I started filming a Vlog today while at my school and I'm goofing around everywhere I go. I'm still a little outta whack emotionally as I'm trying to adjust to who I am now, and how I want to live my life, but hey, aren't we all learning this?

I'm concentrating on worrying less what people think about me and more about what I think about me. More what God thinks about me. This is definitely changing my behavior. I think I'm on the up and up right now. Life isn't some crapfest, it's God's greatest gift to me.

Honestly
I'm not some cool hotshot. I'm not some suffering child, walking on coals everywhere I go. I'm not the all star, and I'm not a selfish jerk. I'm not the greatest person ever but I'm certainly not the worst. Though I might have had some of these traits at some point in my past, I refuse to believe that that's all that I am.

I'm not just some negative trait.
I'm not a mistake I've made.

I'm just me.

And I'm okay with that.